A Guide for You – Being Bisexual and Going to Start Dating
According to a 2007 article in The New York Times, 1.5% of American men regard themselves as being bisexual and 14.4% of women claim to feel some level of sexual attraction to other women. Since these figures are undoubtedly affected by social pressures, the actual numbers are certainly much higher.
Thankfully, being bisexual is something that is becoming less and less of a stigma as our societies mature. Though there is definitely a very long way to go in terms of mass social acceptance of bisexuality, the recent legalization of same sex marriage by the Supreme Court of the United States and its equivalent in Taiwan (the first Asian country to ever do so), there are a lot of good signs that things are moving in the right direction.
What do I need to know about being bisexual?
A common belief within the community is that bisexual is the best of both worlds when it comes to relationships. While this is certainly true, dating people from both sexes does throw up added complications of having to venture into ‘both worlds’, as they put it.
Entering into a relationship with someone of your gender or of the opposite people’s for the first time will inevitably be a big learning curve. There are unique benefits as well as problems that arise when dating a bisexual person that you will need to understand.
So far as the problems go, don’t let them in any way discourage you. The main thing is to always approach these problems as a challenge and understand that being informed and comfortable with who you are inside will help you quickly get over them and let you reap the benefits of your new relationship.
Bisexual guide to dating
If you are bi-curious or are in need of a few tips to help improve your dating life then here is a quick guide to try to help you out a little.
Be honest with yourself
The chances are if you are reading this you are well on your way to understanding your feelings. The most important thing to remember is that there is nothing wrong with being attracted to both sexes, so you should be honest about your attractions and not worry about other people.
According to the U.S based Heath Research Funding organization, most bisexuals won’t tell anyone about their sexual orientation until they reach the age of 20. This highlights the enormous pressures that people face in trying to be who they are, even when living in more liberal-minded countries. So far as sexuality is concerned, being honest is always going to take a lot of courage.
Meeting like-minded people
The good news is that thanks to the advent of bisexual dating sites, meeting new people of both genders is now easier than ever. For a guide on finding the best bisexual sites, you can read our blog post which deals with this topic.
The nice thing about these dating sites is that they allow you to meet lots of like-minded people and get to know them before you have to meet in person. For people exploring their bisexuality, they are an excellent way to learn the ropes and get used to dating people of the same or opposite sex. This is certainly a great confidence booster and will help people come out of themselves more.
Whether it is on a dating site or in person, the best piece of advice is same-sex and go with the flow. You will quickly discover that getting to know someone intimately really doesn’t differ from sex to sex.
Dating someone of the same gender
There are many advantages of dating someone of the same sex. If you talk to anyone who has done so, they will tell you that same-sex relationships can be a lot easier. The main reason for this is quite simply, there are much more things that you will have in common.
Women are more likely to more things in common with other women than men and vice versa. This comes about due to gender roles that are pushed onto children and subsequently develop into hobbies and behavior patterns. Since having things in common will lead to more things to share, this is inevitably a huge plus.
Statistically, most bisexual people begin their journey into intimate relationships by having a heterosexual partner. When first engaging in a same-sex relationship, a bisexual person will have to undergo a similar learning curve as with a heterosexual partner.
The major difference any person in a same-sex relationship will notice is having to battle against social stigmas and prejudices. Many bisexual couples find it more difficult to go out on dates and frequently choose to hide their relationship from their parents and even their friends, for example. These challenges will have to be faced but it is important to try to make sure that they impact the relationship as little as possible.
The first time having sex with someone from either gender can be a nerve racking experience. Sex is an important part of most relationships and is plays a vital function in nearly all healthy relationships. Being nervous is completely understandable, but rather than spending hours reading up on what to expect, as many people do, it is much better to go into it slowly. Talking to your partner is also strongly advisable. It will help remove the pressure and calm your nerves, especially given that they will have already been through the same thing and so understands what you are going through.
Though when dating a person of the opposite sex it won’t be an issue, unfortunately, for same-sex couples being out in public can be problematic if they wish to display any affection for each other. If you have already dated a person of the opposite sex, you will certainly have already noticed how different it feels to be in public while showing any intimacy for someone of the same sex.
It can be a frustrating issue to be stared at, but it is one that has to be dealt with. A great tip is just to keep focused on the fact that you are doing nothing wrong and therefore just need to show understanding for other people’s prejudices.
A good way to approach this is to think about how social values have changed through the years. For example, even in the 1960’s, it was illegal for African Americans to share the bathroom with Caucasians in many places in the United States. At the time, obeying this law did not seem strange for whites as well as blacks. It took progressive people who could see the unfortunate ridiculousness of this situation to change this behavior by standing up to it.
If you are dating someone from a different cultural background, you will certainly need to get up to speed on their cultural dos and don’ts. In India for example, the admission that you are a same-sex couple is not acceptable and couples there will deny they are in a homosexual relationship outright. You will need to take into account this if you choose to date someone from a different country and background as they might have a difficulty with your being in a relationship. Also, parents and friends from same-sex cultural backgrounds can be more open minded or closed minded depending on where they are from, which is definitely something to take into account.
A Final Thought
Though it is understandable that you might feel uncomfortable with accepting you are attracted to both sexes, the simple truth is that you shouldn’t be. Fundamentally, this discomfort comes from outside social prejudices that have yet to catch up with the 21st century. In ancient Greece, for example, the love between two men was valued to be higher than that of a man and a woman, which is something that shows just how social values are not solid in their makeup.
When dating both men and women, it is important, to be honest about your feelings with both yourself and your partner. Because of outside pressures, dating a same-sex person is not as easy as with a person of the opposite gender. This is another reason to make life easier on yourselves and do whatever you are comfortable with and to enjoy the being together. You are bound to experience some frustrating moments and will almost certainly have to adjust your behavior from time to time, but never take our eye off what’s important, your happiness.