Bisexual: Do Labels Hurt Us?

bisexual labelI’m a strong, young, urban, professional woman who have a great desire for a heterosexual relationship with the right guy. I have dated many guys, and found that masculine, dominance, muscles, and any testosterone type characteristics are desirable traits. Don’t get me wrong, I do find girls attractive, but more in the sense of looking at a fine art. It’s nothing sexual or romantic, just an artwork. It only made sense because I grew up in a strict Asian environment where love should be shared between a man and a woman. Then again, sometimes I wonder, how do we know what we don’t like if we have never tried it before.

Everything I use to abide by has changed when I met Chloe. She is a tall, slender, beautiful, fashion artist with a great sense of humor and a smile that can stop the world for eternity. Unfortunately, I was dating a wonderful man named Jeff at the time, so being with Chloe, the woman who unknowingly captivated me was out of the question. Eventually, I caved in, I find her charming personality to be irresistible. The question I ended up asking was, is this relationship unusual?I’m sleeping with a man and making love to a woman, wouldn’t that constitute as being in a bisexual relationship? I was young, confuse, and all over the place. I wonder why they didn’t teach us any of this in school.

Being with Jeff was very easy and normal. My friends all accepted him and loved him, but being with Chloe resulting in flying question marks. As much as I tried to push forward those wonderful adjectives about Chloe, but people kept saying that this relationship was too taboo. I even have scientist and medical doctors claiming that I have a hormone imbalance.

The scientific community believes that women who find other women sexually attractive all have reduced levels of estrogen. I find that to be a useless assumption with lack of researched or factual evidence. I often ponder that maybe this is all a preference like some people prefer vanilla ice cream over chocolate ice cream or a mixture of both. I further analyze the situation, and realize that I do not find other women attractive or have any desire to get into a relationship with them, I only wanted Chloe. So is it still bisexual if you only wanted a specific person that is the same gender and another person that is a different gender?

Everything was black and white with Jeff, but with Chloe things became greyer and greyer to the point that we lost ourselves to other people’s  perspectives.Chloe’s parents are very strict and find that our relationship to be culturally unacceptable. They would banned me from seeing her so I had to grab a rope and climb to the second floor to be with her. Society was very cruel to us, my friends wouldn’t speak to me if Chloe was in the room, but they acted normal with Jeff. Chloe’s classmates whom are very liberal even find the relationship to be intolerable. It has gotten to the point that we decided to end our relationship for the sake of everyone around us. Jeff and I also ended our relationship because we lost interest with each other.

As I grew older and wiser, I realize my views have changed as well. The term “bisexual” depends on how we perceive it. It denotes a sexual attraction and desire for both men and women, but it goes deeper than that. I don’t find other women sexually attractive, but I only find Chloe attractive. Her personality, her characteristic, the way she looks, and everything combines causes a stimulating chemical reaction in my brain. I believe subconsciously, I may have met a childhood friend whom I had a positive experience with, and Chloe resembles that person. This can cause an instant liking and attraction. Perhaps in the future if I meet a women with that distinct quality as Chloe, I might pursue that special relationship with her. However, my attraction towards men is much greater than it is towards a woman.

I felt that it has a lot to do with society’s approval for heterosexual relationship. People often put a lot of emphasis on labeling and putting emotions behind these labels. This would add unnecessary stress and anxiety to any relationship pertaining to the same sex. In some ways, I believe we all have hidden attractions to the same gender but are too afraid to express it because of society’s disapproval.  Truth to be told, Chloe and I could have been a great item if we have peeled off those label, and just say we are two ordinary friends who are very close and love to hang out with each other. This could have been more acceptable and could have kept our relationship alive. Eventually, people will see us as two perfectly fitted puzzles pieces rather than a stigma. Eventually, the bisexual label can be welcome as a guest rather than hidden away like a plague. At the end, the stigma is still ingrained in our DNA, so it will take time for people to accept a unique type of relationship. It would need to occur gradually and slowly. It can’t be something as instant as a pie to the face, that is where my relationship went astray.

LGBT couplesFortunately, as the years go by, people become more liberal and open-minded. I started seeing more same gender couples holding hands in public and instant labels being place without any angry stares or assumptions. It is such a relief to know that we are entering a new era where our culture is shifting to a more liberal way of thinking.

Maybe some day, labels such as bisexual, lesbian, gay, etc will disappear, and all we see are two individuals in love with each other. Maybe some day, couples can proudly admit that they are in a bisexual relationship, and receive praise and acclamation for their bravery and uniqueness.

However, for now, let’s take it one step at a time and slowly grow our community.

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