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How to Approach And Date a Straight Person as a Bisexual

heterosexual sexBisexuals will inevitably face multiple dilemmas throughout their bisexual dating lives–and among the top tough decisions they have to take is whether they should date a heterosexual person or strictly date their kind. The answer is controversial but if you can’t find any fellow bisexuals that match your interests and needs for love or physical intimacy, dating a heterosexual person could be your next option.

The question is: How can you do this and approach the other person since you have different sexual orientations?

In all honestly, this is a tough one as most heterosexual folks are very uncomfortable with the idea of dating a bisexual because they will instantly think that you will cheat them with anything that walks with two legs–which isn’t necessarily true.  And sadly many bisexuals will lie or hide their sexual orientation to the other person in fear of losing them which is totally unfair and dishonest to the other person.

So whether you are looking to date heterosexual people in general or have your eyes in a certain someone, here is some advice on what to do or what not to do:

Tell the other person about your sexual orientations from the start.

As said earlier, most heterosexual people will automatically reject you or feel uncomfortable with the idea of dating you because you like both genders. However, since we live in world where news and gossip spread very fast, it’s better to acknowledge this from the start to save both yourself and the other person from later misunderstandings and heartache. Of course you are not going to reveal this fact as soon as you greet and meet each other, but you must certainly do so before you two actually progress into a relationship, ideally on the first dates between you. You can also indirectly find out first if they are open to the idea before actually exposing yourself as a bisexual for example “I have a few buddies that they are bisexuals but have gf/bfs, what’s your opinion on that?” and normally the other person will tell you what they think, good or bad and you’ll indirectly get your answer. If they seem positive about it, there is no reason to hide the fact that you are bisexual. Even if you get rejected from the very start, consider yourself lucky as you are both saved from fights and future heartache so don’t stress about that. In any case, the other person must know soon enough before things get more serious or you will both regret it later.

Address their fears.

Perhaps the other person nonchalantly accepted to date you but you feel or he/she has given you signs that they are suspicious and uncomfortable about the whole thing e.g they caught you checking out members of the same sex or constantly texting unknown people on the phone. This happens to all kinds of relationships, but when you are  bisexual you need to pay double attention not to give the other person reasons not to trust you–they already have their own concerns about the whole thing. So the first step is to automatically control such suspicious behaviors (or at least make a sincere effort to do so) and then address their fears in an intimate one-on-one discussion. For example, tell them that even if you are bisexual and they are not, you really value them as a person and romantic partner and that you will try your best to stay loyal and cater to their needs with respect. However, you should only engage in such conversation if you truly mean it and you really love the other person–if you don’t follow your own words and they don’t match your actions, you will be lying both to yourself and to other person your relationship will be sinked for good.

In case you still on the hunt for someone, look in places where many open-minded people hang out regardless of sexual orientation.

There are some places and clubs across the U.S and abroad that are both LGBT and straight-friendly and accept people of all sexual orientations with no restrictions. Some official gay or bisexual communities are supported by straight people as well. This will give you the chance to meet heterosexuals that are not opposed to the idea of gay and bisexual dating and accept you more as a person or potential partner than a mere sexual orientation.

Of course, looking in conservative places like Churches or organised meetings with elder people who have more old-school views, would be counter-intuitive so save your time and energy visiting only in places with a more open-minded reputation. It’s may seem obvious to most, but you’ll be surprised to know that some people still look up in the wrong places. Looking in online places with an open approach is also another option if you don’t like or don’t have the time to search in physical places.

Become friends with their gay or bisexual friends if they have any.

LGBT FriendsSince one out of 10 people is gay or bi (as statistics say) and if your partner has many friends, chances are, there must be at least one of their friends that is an openly stated gay or bisexual. By becoming friends with them you will gain support from a like-minded person and advice on how to approach or deal with the issues you have with your heterosexual partner, especially if they have been friends with your partner for long.

Avoid:

  • Hiding the fact that you are bisexual from the start. They will find out sooner or later so imagine their shock and hurt if they find out from anyone or anything else besides you.
  • Getting defensive every time they catch you in suspicious behavior e.g. seeing bisexual porn or checking out others and try to put the blame in them. You want to ideally admit the behavior and stop it or try to stop it before it gets out of control.